During lockdown, did you relegate your bras to the back of the drawer?
I ask this question because while I may have been confined to my apartment during lockdown, my breasts were not (confined that is.) During that time I let them breathe, bounce and fly free (if only through the living room). I delighted in letting them live their life, unencumbered and unrestrained as I went about my days filled with teleworking, yoga, and pilates. #ilovecliches
And yet, just a few days after that long-awaited moment when lockdown measures were lifted, I pulled my bras out of the drawer to hide my breasts from the rest of the world. Therein lies the problem. I see my breasts and it does not bother me, but the world seems to balk at the sight of a nipple (gasp): feeling stared at can be uncomfortable.
After sharing my thoughts on the subject on Instagram, I was moved by the amount of feedback and reactions I received. So today I am sharing this article dedicated the bra and its symbolism and asking the question: should we ditch it?
Update November 1st: we are on lockdown again in France. I made my suitcase to meet up with my boyfriend and only took one bralette that I don’t really intend to wear.
A brief history of the bra: from symbol of liberation to symbol of oppression
Ever since we shed our corsets for the modern bra, breasts have been through quite an emotional roller-coaster of pre-conceived notions and aesthetic stereotypes.
The bra, symbol of emancipation
It was indeed a woman who invented the very first bra. Herminie Cadolle, a revolutionary feminist worker exhibited her invention at the Great Exhibition of Paris in 1889. It was patented 10 years later and became popularised years after that. However, women were so used to wearing corsets that it took them a long time to get rid of them. In fact the ever-increasing popularity of women’s sports and the advent World War I that allowed women to shed the restrictive garment which hampered movement and was responsible for many physical dysfunctions.
The first bra, then called “corselet-gorge”, finally allowed women to move, sit and live their lives (imagine that!) without the constraint of a garment modifying their silhouette and whalebone digging into their ribs. The bra was considered by its inventor to be an object of emancipation.
The bra, symbol of servitude and female alienation
Nearly 100 years later, women started to view the bra as an object of female servitude. You’ve probably heard or read somewhere that in 1969, women started “burning their bras”.
Summer of 1969: Women across the United States started rebelling against the stereotype of women with large breasts being displayed and objectified in beauty pageants around the country. They protested about what they perceived to be the tools of their objectification: bras, but also high heels, skirts, makeup, etc. We were at the cusp of a feminist revolution: women were fighting to reclaim their bodies and their sexuality.
“We are not objects of consumption. And we show it by renouncing the most provocative and most effective artifice we have.”
In the 1990s, the advent of the padded bra added fuel to the flame. It shaped the “ideal” breast from a male perspective (which became society’s perspective – more on that later): apple-shaped, perky, with high nipples. Half cups, pads, underwire, push-ups, etc… the list goes on and on for these innovations and artifices that transformed the bra, once an object of emancipation, to an object of subjugation for women and the image to which they must conform. Women’s breasts were pounded into one single shape: round, plump and perfectly symmetrical… when in reality, breasts come in all shapes and sizes.
And then, symbol of a feminist revolution
Since the 2010s, reclaiming our bodies (and our sexuality – the two go hand in hand) has once more become the cornerstone of feminist movements. As Camille Froidevaux Metterie points out in her book “Breasts, In Search of Freedom” – the clitoris and vulva have become feminist symbols. We now know that they exist and that they deserve attention. At the same time, we can’t see them. Whereas we can see breasts. So what do we do with breasts? What do we do with the part of ourselves that constitutes our physical uniqueness as women?
Lockdown gave women a chance to ditch their bras. I too wanted to free my body from certain diktats: including having my breasts confined to a bra .
According to the IFOP (French Institute of Public Opinion, 18% of French women under 25 decided to no longer wear a bra after lockdown, compared to 4% before lockdown. That is a spectacular progression. Personally, I learned from a 20-year old woman that all of her friends refuse to wear a bra, regardless of the size or shape of their breasts. It seems the #nobra and #freethenipple movements could have a bright future ahead of them? That being said, the acceptance of this phenomenom in the public sphere remains to be seen. When I read comments like “showing your nipples is so vulgar”, I think we might still have a long way to go.
The women who embody this liberation movement
It was while following Gala in particular that I began to question my undergarment choices. Gala has been a fervent supporter of the #NoBra movement for 4 years. She fights against the hyper-sexualization of breasts by going braless altogether: “the no bra movement, for me, is to give a middle finger to the hyper-sexualization of the female breast. It means normalising the nipple. It means showing that we’re not just sex objects and that our breasts don’t belong to anyone. The no bra movement, for me, is ultimately about choice and no longer being told what to do with my body. » source: Gala Instagram account.
Feminist authors can offer huge support. Thanks to Camille Froidevaux Metterie, I realized the importance of our breasts, the way in which others force us to shape them and our ability to rethink which aspects of our behaviour are induced by society: “ one of the subversive actions that feminism could accomplish (…) would therefore be to the claim freedom, the indetermination of breasts ”(C. Froidevaux Metterie, Breasts – in search of freedom, p.100).
That being said… is going braless a viable option for everyone?
Studies on wearing (or not wearing) a bra
Scientifically speaking, is wearing a bra good or bad for our breasts and our health?
There are many scientific studies on breasts. Unfortunately, most of these relate to the biomechanics of bra design or breast cancer research. Some studies have also been done on the possible link between bras and breast cancer, but with very unclear results.
Nevertheless, one American study published in 2016, suggests that there could be a link between wearing a tight bra for several hours a day and the appearance of breast cancer: “Women who wore a tight bra everyday developed breast cancer at a frequency 2.27 times higher than women who wore a bra less often. This result demonstrated that there is a link between these variables and breast cancer in pre- and post-menopausal women. ”.
As for the benefits of going braless, a double study was carried out by Professor Jean Denis Rouillon, a sports doctor and professor at the University of Franche-Comté. This study has been conducted on more than 300 women since 1997. According to this study, wearing a bra serves no purpose. It is believed to be involved in the ineffectiveness of adipose and muscle tissue used to support the breasts. Without being stressed, these parts of the breasts atrophy and the breast loses its firmness more quickly.
I tried searching for a study proving the contrary: the damages caused by not wearing a bra, but found nothing. Perhaps no such study has been done? Regardless, neither the studies themselves nor the results could give me a clear answer on the subject. So rather than dwell on this, I decided to turn to my Instagram community to find out why they chose to wear or not to wear a bra.
The pressures to wear a bra, as seen through your experience
By parsing through about 40 testimonies of women between the ages of 15 and 43 years old, I was able to extrapolate 4 main reasons women feel pressured to wear a bra. I will also include a section dedicated to the no bra movement and how the women who have chosen to go braless feel about this liberation.
Finally, I will end by telling you a little bit about myself, because who doesn’t want to hear about that?
According to the survey I conducted on my instagram account in May, 72% of people had put their bras away during lockdown, while only 36% of them claimed they no longer wanted to wear one, even after lockdown. It is this discrepancy that led me to write this article: why do we continue to wear bras when it is clear that in a safe and secure environment (our homes), bras are the first things we take off?
My mistake here, was suggesting two very different answers. However, it did spark a discussion: many people reached out to tell me that they did not yet feel ready to ditch the bra completely. Still, they acquired an awareness of the subject that led them to search for viable (and more comfortable) alternatives, while slowly transitioning to a no-bra* lifestyle.
*We will see later that the debate around this movement is not necessarily inclusive.
Why then, do we feel the need to wear a bra?
The gaze of others: between hyper sexualization and fear of the nipple
The first reason women feel pressured to wear a bra became quite clear early on in my research. In a society where women are objects first and foremost – sexual first, then maternal – openly owning and accepting your breasts, regardless of their size or shape is particularly difficult when confronted with the gaze of others.
Whether it is the gaze of men: “feeling men’s eyes on me when I am not wearing a bra is too much of a barrier for me.” (Amandine, 38) or simply the perceived gaze of everyone around us: “ I feel like it bothers people when I don’t wear one.” (Anonymous, 27), the gaze of others presents an obvious barrier to going braless. The looks we get can be embarrassing, uncomfortable, and keep us from owning our breasts in the public sphere.
“Even when I am wearing a bra, my large chest attracts a lot of lustful looks. I would not be able to stand the looks I would get, if I were to go without a bra. »
Women with large breasts are not the only ones who have to deal with being stared at. All women deal with this in some regard, since we all have …(drumroll please)… nipples. Camille Froidevaux Metterie touches on this point: “we are reminded daily that nipples remain scandalous and socially unacceptable” ((C. Froidevaux Metterie, Breasts – in search of freedom, p.98).
Have you heard about a new study conducted by the IFOP where 20% of French people assert that a visible nipple can be a mitigating factor in a sexual assault?! This is 2020 and rape culture is still alive and kicking in France.
This hyper-sexualization of breasts largely contributes to the fact that we feel unsafe and insecure without a bra: “I feel vulnerable without a bra, as if I were attracting looks to that part of my body.” (Anonymous, 26). We even come to be ashamed of our own nipples (thank you Instagram – as a reminder, photos showing women’s nipples are prohibited on most social networks): “If my nipples are pointing (and most of the time they are), I find it very difficult to just accept it because I am afraid of how others will look at me (…) ”(Linda, 24).
Between the hyper-sexualization of breasts and the taboo that exists around large breasts and nipples, the pressure for modesty created by the gaze of others can make the idea of going braless very daunting. And there is one place in particular where being stared at is common: the workplace. Could this be the reason why so many women decided to give up their bras during lockdown, with teleworking becoming more widespread?
The pressure to wear a bra in the workplace
I received several testimonies, including from women who generally do not wear bras, stating that in a professional context they feel they should absolutely wear a bra. It is as if the pressure for modesty were even stronger in the workplace. Is it because professional situations often require men and women to be close to each other? Because women should never feel so free as to keep their breasts unrestrained? Because the image persists of a woman perched on her high heels, hinting at the incredible effects of her push-up bra underneath her blouse? Probably all of the above.
My Parisian office is located in a co-working space where the average age is about 30 and the majority of people are men. I have found that a number of women around my office do not wear a bra, but they have to put up with the persistent gaze, if not comments, from the men around them. While chatting with my male colleagues, and during an exchange on the topic of breasts, I was quite flabbergasted to realize how often their gazes were directed at my chest. I immediately thought that I probably would not dare going braless in this context, or that I would have to accept some form of sexualization of my body without my consent. I mean, just because my boobs are flopping around doesn’t mean I necessarily want to be sexually available. It really doesn’t.
Here’s a similar situation in a professional environment: “I am an architect. I cannot imagine looks from my clients or co-workers falling on my “bare” chest during professional exchanges. I once got this kind of look when I was wearing a bra. At the time, I pretended not to notice but afterwards I was disgusted and embarrassed that I had to endure this inappropriate gaze.” (Melanie, 26)
A woman has to fight every day to prove her legitimacy in the workplace; On top of that, she has to make sure she is not objectified. “I wear a bra everyday where I work.” (Anonymous, 32)
Another aspect of the pressure to wear a bra in the workplace kept recurring in your testimonies: that wearing a bra feels a bit like being in your nightclothes. That in order to feel dressed and ready to face the day, you must put on a bra. “I feel like it’s the same as getting dressed or putting on makeup, it makes me feel business ready.” (Anonymous, 31).
Here again, the feeling is related to the image of ourselves we want to present to the world. Arming ourselves with all these accessories, these artifices, helps us feel accepted and taken seriously in the professional world. Not wearing a bra could embody a lack of rigour or professionalism. All because our breasts sag a bit.
The aesthetics of breasts: do they have to be apple-shaped?
I doubt any woman can say she has never dreamed of having firm, round breasts with high nipples and a manageable size. The fantasy of the apple- shaped breast. A fantasy born from the eyes of men.
It is hard to know where the fantasy of these “perfect” breasts comes from. It has been drawn and represented this way since Antiquity. And even if there was a time where breastfeeding (therefore larger) breasts were preferred in cultural representations, today we are stuck with the image of these plump, firm and high breasts that are prevalent in our modern culture. Thankfully… some illustrators have begun the work of reappropriating this antiquated image in order to highlight the true diversity of breasts: shapes, sizes, colour, etc. That’s why I decided to use some of these illustrations in my article. And we’ve come full circle!
However, the fantasy persists. Setting ourselves free from the image of the apple-shaped breast is an uphill battle. Be it for women with small or large breasts, it is common for us to try to reshape them to conform to society’s standards: “ I’ve always worn bras with underwire and padding because of my small breasts. I thought it looked nicer underneath my clothes, less flat!” (Lamia, 35). As Camille Froidevaux Metterie specifies, in her book Breasts: “this is what it is first and foremost: women’s breasts must be offered to men’s eyes” (C. Froidevaux Metterie, Breasts – in search of freedom, p70).
Most of us are made to feel shame in our bodies for not having “ideal” breasts. We want breasts that are perky, that stay up on their own “My breasts sag and fall to the side (not pretty at all), so I prefer to wear one.” (Floriane, 28) We think they don’t suit our bodies “I am small but my breasts are large and sagging so it does not look graceful and makes me look even shorter”. (Dorothée, 38) Some woman have a very negative opinion of their breasts and want to change their shape in order to please others “I think my breasts sag a lot and it could be “shocking” to some” (Anonymous, 31)
I would like to say to Floriane, Dorothée and everyone else: your breasts are beautiful.They are beautiful because they are yours. They don’t conformt our fashion magazine beauty standards (and who does, really) and that is precisely why they arebeautiful.
So back to the bra. Are we only wearing it in order to avoid making others feel uncomfortable? Or are we also putting pressure on ourselves?
Self-acceptance: how to reclaim our breasts
The pressure we put on ourselves to wear a bra, while more subtle than the pressure we feel from others, became increasingly clear to me throughout your testimonies and through my personal journey of self-reflection. The feeling that we have to wear one because it is what is expected of us, is a deep-rooted feeling. This pressure is intimately tied to our self-esteem: the relationship we have to our bodies and its representation in the public sphere, to our image and to others. But it is also these self-imposed restrictions (whether conscious or unconscious) that can lead us to question exactly why we have been wearing a bra all these years.
Rethinking our relationship to others
In order to do this, we have to question the things that are imposed upon us by others and why we let them affect us. “I first have to deconstruct ME. My mother always made comments when she would see me go out without a bra (it doesn’t look as good, it looks messy, it’s just not done…) (Iris, 27) We have this idea that not wearing a bra looks sloppy, which explains the overwhelming feeling that it is necessary to wear a bra in the workplace.
We replicate behaviour and attitudes we have witnessed around us, be it from our mothers, our sisters or our friends. “My mother has large breasts, and wouldn’t be caught dead without a bra on. I just mimicked her behaviour.” (Anonymous, 28) Identifying these behaviours and pressures we feel is the first step in reappropriating our bodies in the public sphere. Being aware of them means being conscious of the place that our bodies and breasts take in our world.
The bra often acts as a protective barrier between ourselves and others. Whether we wear it in the street to avoid the gaze of others, or at work to feel more confident. But is our relationship to others not closely tied to our relationship to ourselves?
Rethinking our relationship to ourselves
This can seem like an impossible undertaking, and with good reason. Rethinking our relationship to ourselves means questioning the principles, habits and ideas we have held onto for years. From the moment these principles, ideas and habits are no longer aligned with our convictions, it is necessary to rethink them in order to change the image we want to have of ourselves or change who we want to become.
There is no magical formula for this, if only to read, listen to and immerse yourself in the works of feminists who have written on the subject of reappropriating one’s body and its place in the public sphere. You also have to be ready for such an undertaking. Sometime our battles lie elsewhere and we need to prioritise other things.
Here is my answer to a woman who reached out to me: she was trying to go braless but failing:
“So … The first thing I want to tell you is: you shouldn’t. All in good time. Deconstructing this image that has been a part of us, of our society, of our way of thinking for so long, is really hard. Sometimes we get there, other times we don’t and that’s okay! To say « you have to » is to inflict a new mental burden on yourself. Just take the time for yourself, go at your own pace; read, listen, and it will come slowly… or not! And that’s okay.”
Having said that, I can’t help but notice that we are often our own worst enemies when it comes to liberating our bodies and doing what we believe is best for us. Firstly, out of habit: “I like to feel supported and without a bra I really feel like I’m missing something so I don’t feel comfortable (Marie, 37). Then, because we judge ourselves: “you can tell right away when my breasts are not supported.” (Anonymous, 28). Finally, because we are not used to fully feeling our bodies and its movements « I don’t like to feel my breasts bouncing around because when I walk, the sensation is unpleasant for me. » (Hortensia, 25) as if we were completely disconnected from our breasts. As if our breasts were a separate entity, serving no other purpose than to bother us.
Rethinking our relationship to ourselves also means realizing that we have a body that exists, lives, breathes, moves, changes. It means accepting what we have. If you are looking for further reading, I wrote a few lines on the subject back in 2017.
What if we decided to love our bodies ? With all its imperfections? All its peculiarities? What if we learned to ignore the gaze of others, because after all the only thing that matters is the way we view ourselves.
Get to know your body again
Ditching the bra means freeing up a lot of mental and physical space in order to get to know your body. If we accept the new sensations that come with going braless, we can learn to appreciate them. Without the constraints of a bra, it is as if our breasts reclaim their place on our bodies, either in front of our eyes or in our hands. And I often like to say that self-affirmation also means fully accepting your breasts the way they are. Why? Because it is a purely feminine physical characteristic (I use feminine in the broad sense of the term – trans woman often have breasts as well.)
So while going braless has become a no-brainer for many of us, is it a viable option for everyone? In particular for women with large breasts? Large breasts: left behind? Among the testimonies I received on my Instagram account were the stories of women who chose to share the realities of living with large breasts.
Wanting to make this article as inclusive as possible, it became apparent that I had to include yet another reason we feel pressured to wear a bra: the pressure to cover up large breasts. While the reasoning is similar to the pressures we discussed above – the gaze of others, aesthetic myths, our relationship to ourselves – it is important that we listen to women with large breasts.
Cultural views on large breasts
“I have a large chest, 105E and I find it hard to live with. Probably due to the looks I get from men and the sexuality they impose on me simply by looking at my breasts”. (Mari, 32) I’ll admit, before I was informed on this subject, large breasts fascinated me and my eyes would tend to linger whenever I came across a woman who possessed them. Not out of jealousy, simply out of curiosity. The male gaze* had taken a hold of me.
*male gaze: the male gaze is a concept theorized by Laura Mulvey in 1973. Basically, it means that the dominant gaze in pop culture is that of a heterosexualman.
This male gaze that shapes the way we look at a women’s bodies to suit the collective imagination, also has an impact on clothing and the way a woman has to dress to suit others.
As a society, we are obsessed with big breasts and yet wish to make them invisible. “Fashion isn’t exactly made for large breasts; what looks sexy on some can quickly become vulgar on large breasted women” (Mari, 32) Because we see “too much” (too much skin, too much nipple, too much breast) we take offense and categorize women as vulgar.
The No Bra movement: a feminist movement that lacks inclusivity
The no bra movement, or simply going braless, has become a widespread practice these days, embodying a feminist revolution based on reclaiming women’s bodies.
I will talk about this later, with testimonials from women who have made the journey to abandon their bras for their own well-being, but in this section, dedicated to large breasts, I would like to ask the following question: is going braless a viable option for everyone?
Thanks to the women who trusted me with their testimonies, I discovered something I was not fully aware of before: living with large breasts brings with it its fair share of physical discomforts and even ailments. Sure, we often hear about the back pain that heavy breasts can cause.
But what about the rest? The perspiration: “I sweat a lot so I prefer to keep the area ventilated by wearing a bra” (Chloé, 30), the friction “I would love to not wear bra but I am a size 95E and my breasts sag so not wearing one is unpleasant because I can feel them, there is friction and I hate it!” (Anonymous, 38) The pain that accompanies every movement “It hurts when I run, jump or go down stairs” (Zoe, 18), the skin problems that large breasts can cause “I notices 2 large brown spots under my breasts. My skin was suffocating and that’s not a good sign!” (Anonymous, 25)
It seems not wearing a bra can have a negative impact on the body for women with large breasts. Is this because the skin has lost elasticity from being held up by a bra for so long? No study has shown that this is the case so for the moment, we should simply do what feels best for us.
I think once the psychological journey of getting rid of the bra has been started, it is quite easy for a woman with a small or medium-sized breasts not to wear a bra. However, that doesn’t mean that a woman with small breast will not feel pain or experience other drawbacks. But the physical ramifications will be small in comparison.
WHO CARES?
In preparation for this article, I had asked my male friends for their thoughts on the subject. I intended to synthesize their answers and use them here in my analysis. But in the end, I decided that we should not give men’s opinions on the matter any weight at all. I will simply share what my boyfriend said to me, because I think that this should be the normal response.
“It doesn’t matter if you wear a bra or not. It should be a choice made by the person who decides to wear one or not.”
So, as Laetitia from @eleusismagara pointed out: the most important thing is to do what suits you. Whether it is for makeup, clothes, underwear, etc … It doesn’t matter! We should make choices in order to appeal to men, but rather make choices that will appeal to ourselves, and only ourselves.
What the women who have chosen to go braless, have to say
“Some women feel they are reclaiming their bodies. They are discovering the actual shape of their breasts and learning to accept them even if they differ from the aesthetic norm. By removing this layer of clothing, they discover new sensations such as the movement of the breasts in relation to the rest of the body ”, explains Lorraine, who conducted a study on the bra during her double major in ethnology and living arts at the University of Nice Sophia Antipolis.
I don’t think I could have written an article about the bra without bringing up the no bra movement. Maybe you have seen for yourself: the trend is growing. And how do the women, who made the choice to no longer wear a bra, feel?
More often than not, the change is gradual. You will wear a bra from time to time and at some point, you will just forget. “I’ve been braless for 3 or 4 years now and in the beginning, I was uncomfortable with the looks I was getting but I learned to take responsibility for my choices and feel good with those choices.” (Lucille, 32 ans)
A sense of freedom
It was clear to me through the testimonies I gathered, that choosing to no longer wear a bra has given women a sense of freedom, and of owning one’s body and sensuality “I feel super free and much more beautiful this way.” (Emma, 20) A freedom that is sometimes expressed as a revolutionary act “if there are haters it’s their problem. It’s my body, my breasts and I do what I want with them. (Anonymous, 15) A revolution against a patriarchal society “it’s my daily ‘fuck you’ to our sexist and patriarchal society.” (Emma, 26). Finally, it is a liberation from oneself and the restrictions we imposed on our bodies up to this point “I really made the choice to love my body as it is and not try to hold it into a certain shape” (Elyssana, 22).
Our environment will also play a part in our decision as to whether or not to rid ourselves of the bra. After all, what is the first thing you take off when you get home: the place where you feel the safest? “Since I’ve relocated to les Landes, I never wear one anymore. So much so that the other day when I did, my boyfriend asked “what’s up with the bra?”.” (Julie, 24)
Surprisingly, a young and progressive work environment seems to contribute to women feeling at ease enough to go without a bra in the workplace. “I feel like I can go braless because I work in a young and modern office (start up.) I would not have felt so at ease at my old job as a lawyer in a big firm.” (Lorraine, 28)
For many, the freedom lies in the choice itself. “It’s a real choice whether to wear one or not” (Aziliz, 26) The freedom to love your body because it is there, regardless of anything else. What we go through in our lifetimes will shape and mark our bodies “today, I love myself again because my body has a history and time has left its marks: they’re like reminders to protect me from toxic relationships and it is completely unique so I love it again in all its imperfections!” (Anonymous, 25)
“Freedom is being able to chose your own constraints”.
Jean-Louis Barrault
A huge THANK YOU to those of you who read this article to the end. Thank you to the illustrators whose works are featured throughout. It is in large part thanks to your artwork that we are able to talk about these things. Thanks to those of you who trusted me with your testimonies. I was moved by your stories. Many of you told me you were looking for alternatives to bras that would respect the natural shape of your breasts. You can find a selection of alternative and ethical brands right here!
Okay, before we wrap this up, I would like to talk a little about myself. I have talked a lot about others. But I would also like to share my relationship to the bra. This way, I can also answer the question you have probably been asking yourself: have I gone braless, or not?
My personal experience
I was standing in the schoolyard, waiting to return to the classroom, when my friend looked me up and down and said: “you should really start wearing a bra”. I answered, flabbergasted “why?.. you can’t see anything.” Apparently you could see something and it bothered others. Whereas I did not care or even think about it up until that point. I was 12 years old.
Bras became a part of my wardrobe so I could conform to what others expected of me. I first opted for training bras, as I did not want to lie about the shape or size of my breasts. But only a year later, I started wearing padded bras. At 13 years old, I was wearing padded bras. Why? Because I was embarrassed: my breasts were not growing. All my friends had breasts already but I was “flat as a board”. People actually said that to me.
Teenagers can be so cruel. My best friend once asked me in front of all my classmates: “Weren’t your boobs bigger yesterday?” It was true: I was not wearing my padded bra that day. Oh the embarrassment!
Two years later, my relationship to my breasts had not improved, far from it. I had moved on to cup bras, without padding. At 16, my already strenuous relationship with my body and my breasts in particular was only further damaged by a boy I started dating. It was a toxic relationship. He was a narcissistic pervert who would often compare my breasts to other girls’. It took me a long time to get over it. For months, or maybe even years, after our breakup, I could not even look at my breasts in the mirror. I would avert my gaze. That was how much I hated them. I would hide them by avoiding form- fitting or low-cut tops. And I could not live without a bra, even at home on the weekends with my parents.
I made the transition from cup bras to bralettes rather abruptly. I was tired of cheating. Around the same time, I stopped wearing perfume. I only mention this because this is the period of life when I started realizing theplace I had in society and my impact on others. This was 6 years ago. I did not care how my breasts looked to others in my bralettes. They were comfortable.
But once again, my best friend suggested I go for something with an underwire “just for a little more support.” So I ditched my bralettes in favour of something uncomfortable.
Here I am talking to you openly about my breasts and my relationship to them. It has been a long road – especially after my traumatic relationship with a narcissistic pervert – I am so proud of getting to this point and can assure you, I have come a long way.. If you only knew how ashamed I was of my breasts, how much I wanted to change them or even make them disappear.
Today, I love them. I love them just the way they are. Today I am able to let go of what used to feel like a safety net: the bra.
This journey started before lockdown, in January I believe. I had noticed a few women in my life going braless and thought to myself: hey…that actually seems pretty cool. Then lockdown happened and with the feeling of I’ll die if I have to wear this bra for one more second. It’s the combination of all these factors that have led me to want to go braless whenever I feel like it.
I am not a fervent supporter of the No-Bra movement, simply because I do not practice it everyday. At work for instance, I do not feel comfortable enough to ignore (or accept) the gaze of others. Since the end of lockdown, I have gone braless to work only once and I must admit, it did feel pretty amazing.
This summer, I spent most of my time without a bra and it…was…glorious! Not only did I feel comfortable in my own body but I felt more sensual when I wanted to be simply free when I felt like it. And my breasts have changed recently. They are firmer and more rounded. They also change over the course of the month and being able to observe these changes is fascinating.
Wanting to free myself from the discomfort of wearing bras and the shape they imposed upon my breasts, I set out to find some ethical alternatives to the traditional bra. Now, whenever I feel the need to wear something, I chose a sports bra or a bralette. This is often the case when I am going through PMS and my breasts are particularly sensitive and in need of support. Other times, this is when I am wearing something a little see-through, a white t-shirt or a low-cut top. I do what feels right, staying true to myself and what is best for me.
Do what feels right.
Here we are. The final verdict: do what feels right.
Whether you chose to wear a bra or not, make the decision in accordance with your desires, your needs. If wearing a bra makes you feel safer, do not put yourself in the uncomfortable position of going without one. If wearing a bra makes you feel restricted, let it go!